Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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