whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
