Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
