but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize