All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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