If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
