It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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