Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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