Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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