I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
