Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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