after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
