I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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