So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
