bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
