I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize