and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
