He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
