perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
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I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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