I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
