woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
