Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize