Screwed.edu
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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