I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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