I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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