Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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