I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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