3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
