The maid of honor just puked.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
