Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
honey bunches of taint.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
