Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
