I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
