dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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