before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
