I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
