I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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