It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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