We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
