and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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