My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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