How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize