I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
