Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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