true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
