I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
