I'm gonna have a badass scar
why didn't you poke me back
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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