Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
