some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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