What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
