it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
