My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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