She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
