Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
