he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
