my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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