I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
