ugly people sure do ruin things
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
