My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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