hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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