ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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