Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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