You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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