No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm at about main and main street
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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