I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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