What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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