So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
