so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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