I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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